~This Life I lead~

~I feel as though I am living two different lives~~~One with Danny in it and one without~~~Were I live, go to church, at my chiropractors, at my second job(D.S.I.)and with a small group of friends, he is there and I feel the most like me, content and I can breath~~~I can talk about him, let people know how we are doing and all that other good stuff!~~~Then there is the other life, the one were if I even mention his name I get looks, comments and the air gets thick and icky~~~I can understand that alot of people were hurt with my through everything that has happened over the last 2 & 1/2 years and I am grateful for those people who helped and were/are there for me through all of that!~~~Don't get me wrong I am not upset with anyone about how they feel about Danny and everything he put me, us through~~~And I know (and so does he) that he has alot of proving and healing of relationships to do before anything is even close to being made right~~~And I know I myself have said alot of not so nice things about him(even if they were/are true they were still not nice to say) and the fact that I am talking with him again upsets ALOT of you~~~But whether we like it or not he is Anne Shirley's dad, her DNA, her blood~~~True he may not have been in her life for the last 1 & 1/2 and in fact may never be, I truly do not know for sure at this point~~~But if he chooses to do the right thing and be in her life, there is nothing anyone is going to do about it~~~God tells us to forgive, to give second chances, to be Christlike~~~Yeah he may mess up again, but if all he is ever told is that he is worthless and no-good, well then how Christlike are we really being?~~~Look at all of us, we all have things we are ashamed of, that we try to hind from everyone, but God knows and if we ask He will forgive us and put it as far as the east is from the west(in other words he forgets about it)~~~People can change and sometimes all they need is someone to believe that they can and to know that even though they have made a total mess of there life, that it is not to late to start over~~~I believe in the power of God's salvation and that it has and will change lives FOREVER, no matter how bad the past is~~~You can not move forward and move on from the past if yo are still living in it~

~Some people have told me I am not looking at the the worth of my self, that I am acting as though I do not care about how precious I am in God's eye's~~~That is not true, I know know how much God loves me and that he wants the best for me in my life~~~And that is what I am doing, I am letting God take care of things, I am not chasing after some fairytale dream or some romantic fantasy that is not out there~~~I FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE am looking at real life and how things are~~~I am trusting God to bring whomever He sees fit to be in my life~~~Most of you do not know the Danny I fell in love with 3 years ago, heck most of you do not know Danny at all (only what you have heard) and most of you who do know who he is only got to see the bad side of him, the drug side, the crazy side~~~But if you could have known the Danny I first knew and fell in love with, well you would see why I believe in him and what God can do~~~True God may not bring us back together and heal the great relationship we once had~~~But who am I to say no if God says yes~

~You should know I am daily in prayer about where to go or be in my life~~~I have more to think about then just myself, I have the biggest blessing in the whole world, one that is straight from God, I have Little Anne Shirley!~~~And everything I do is because of or for her~~~God plans every life and she is not here just by chance or mistake~~~No, God knew before I had even thought of her that I was going or be her mother, her keeper, her first friend & he also knew that Danny would be the other part of that~~~So like I said before he my or my not be around right now, but if he chooses to be, I will not be the one to stop him~~~As long as he is on the right track and doing what is right before God(not what people think is right), then he will be in our life's~~~So if you have any problem with this and feel the need to tell me I am wrong, well then good ahead, bring it on~~~But just know that I am doing what I know is right in my heart and more impotently I know I am doing what is right before my Lord and Maker~~~So anything to have to say is going straight to God~

~Sincerely Sarah Lynn Sovilla~

~1964~

~No it was not the year I was born, or even the year anyone I know was born~~~No it was the year that my wonderful, beautiful 4 door Ford Falcon was sold/made!~~~Yup a 1964 Ford Falcon~~~Now if you were to look at this car today you would say to yourself (and probably even to me for that matter) "Whats the big deal, I mean it is nothing but a striped old car with primer pain. That's nothing to get all excited about"~~~I would have to say, that yes to just see it walking down the street it looks like nothing, just a pile of metal~~~But to me and even more imported to my sister Rachel it is a dream and longing to make something more out of something old~~~Now I am not sure if she even cares one way or the other about this car anymore?~~~But I do and although people have told me over and over to just get rid of it, I CAN'T~~~I know it might seem really silly to you, but to me that car means so much more then just something to drive~~~That car has memory's, it has history, and most importantly it was made in the great old U.S. of A.!~~~Now how many cars now a days can you say that about?~